i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
