Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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