i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
