Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
