I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
