that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
