two words...techno handjob
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
