R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
