Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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