after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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