After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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