my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
