My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
