I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
