thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
