Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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