and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
