So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
