Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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