When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
