Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
