Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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