apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
