i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
