I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
