he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
