Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
