were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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