You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
