Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
