life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
