Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
