watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
