sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
