oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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