I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
