seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
