Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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