here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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