Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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