i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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