This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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