Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
