it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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