ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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