haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
