I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
