Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
