Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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