True but thats because hes a fetus.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So. Much. Porn.
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