I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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