Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
