so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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