I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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