i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
